Where Did That Blueprint Go?


I've talked with women who felt supported and ready for their pregnancy and birth. They had a great team, all their supports were put into place.

They knew who would walk the dog and take it out while they were giving birth.

They knew their doula was on call and ready to come when needed, and who the backup midwife was, or which midwife would be on call.

Nurseries are set up, pumps are purchased, baby clothes are folded and put away. The outfit for baby to wear home is picked out and in the birth bag. (How many outfits did you choose between, and spend days second guessing over or adding backs ups to the cart?)

Snacks are bought, birth plans printed, all of it.

Photo by Saffu on Unsplash
Photo by Saffu on Unsplash


Then we bring our babies home. And so often, too often, I hear "now what?" Sometimes, its a joke. Like, "oh boy! They just send us home with no instructions?!" This is that kind of joke thats 90% truth, 10% joke though. You know the ones.

We have instructions. A blueprint, if you will, for postpartum. But the nice paper copy handed down from woman to woman, generation to generation, the one we're born meant to have, has been...I dont know. Do you?

Destroyed. Hidden. Forgotten.

We aren't prepared for our babies to come home, cause, probably, our mothers weren't prepared. So how could they articulate to us what to do? We have SO MUCH information at the tips of our fingers, how could we not have prepared for what bringing a baby home is like? Why should our mothers pass that on?

(But, we dont know what we dont know.)

Everyone wants to be part of our pregnancy and birth. "Look what I got you!" and "tell me your plan!" and "you're the first of our friends to have a baby, look at you adulting!". And then that messy postpartum comes, and maybe some meals are made, maybe we get some texts and friends who want to stop by. But then its gone.

And we stay up late with our babies, we isolate and go to Target with a three day old, and drown in our postpartum time.

When, ironically, that blueprint we could really use? It tells us we'll be cared for by our families, we'll be rested and get time to bond with our baby, we'll be nourished with food and love by those around us; that essentially we wont be alone for over a month. Maybe more.

Why was that taken from us?

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