Partners During Birth

Once, they weren't allowed at births. Now, we encourage them to be there.


I'm obviously glad they get to be there. I wanted my husband at our children's births. I needed him there. A sentiment most of us share.


But. Also.


There's this belief and cultural expectation now that where/how WE want to give birth, our partner needs to also be comfortable with.


And I really think this needs to be explored and questioned.


It is us, the woman and birthing person, who needs to be comfortable. To feel safe. To feel heard. To feel respected.


It is OUR SAFETY and OUR AUTONOMY that need to be supported by our partners for a healthy, safe, physiological birth.

Photo by Erke Rysdauletov on Unsplash

It is OUR bodies that are carrying this baby and laboring. And to do this in the safest way? Is for us to feel...safe. Makes sense.


Yet.


I hear woman after woman saying "well, I'd have a homebirth, but my parents doesn't feel comfortable with that." Hmm...


Like, I'm not saying you need to middle finger your partner and tell them it's your way or the highway.


But also, it's your body.


Your partner doesn't have to love the how/where you're choosing to give birth. But they do need to respect you, and your autonomous choices as an adult woman choosing to birth in a particular way/place.


Have these conversations prenatally. Explore your partners fears. Hear them. Acknowledge them.


And let them know that at the end of the day, they can either support and respect you at your birth, or maybe they don't need to be there?


The fear and disrespect that they bring needs to be checked at the door. If they cant trust you and respect your choices, ESPECIALLY during labor, then they need to leave the room.


This is one of the reasons having a birthkeeper or doula at your birth is so important. This woman should be in your corner, respecting your choices. Witnessing you. Holding space for you and your baby to do this birth dance.


Have these hard conversations. Truly. If you avoid them prenatally, if you dont see them through and come to a resolve, then these will most certainly come up during birth. And they'll be fucking hard.


Protect your space. Dont let your partner sabotage your birth.


And thank you, @wild.pregnancy_free.birth and @moonandhoneymama for your talk about partners that lit the fire for me to write this post.

3 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

We talk a lot about the Big Feelings that our kids have. And how its important to sit with them, and help them navigate there ever changing, ever new, emotional terrain. And that's important. But as a