Last week I wrote about people needing a community, a tribe, a village, when becoming a parent. Its hard. And we need support to thrive. So much of this is lost to us.
Just like community during our births.
Birth is private now, right? What got the baby in will get the baby out, is a common phrase many people in the birth world will use when talking about going into labor. Would you want someone else in the room while you made your baby? Then why would you want them in your birth room? Its private. Intimate.
I fully believe birth is an intimate experience.
But I also wonder, what would it be like to have a room full of women who could support me, and not pass down judgement, during such and intimate and vulnerable time? People who could come to our birth, and be there as pillars of womanly energy, supporting our choices and affirming our ability to give birth safely and intuitively?
Its a dreamy thought, because we usually just don't have that community, nor do we want to open ourselves to the possibility of this experience. People live far away, and when a birth will happen is so unpredictable. These people don't live in the same building, or on the same street as me. And if they do...will they truly support us? Or just judge us? Make us feel like a watched pot, and the hostess of a party?
But what if during our pregnancies, we could build this community? Invite the people from our community, be they people who have given birth recently, or those yet to give birth, or our elders who could come and hold space and pass down all their wisdom? To accept their help, and support. To make clear what we want from their presence at our births.
Is it so far fetched?
What would our experience be if this was our reality? In a way, we try and emulate this, right? We hire a doula to attend our births. This one person is taking on the role of a whole group of women. You all know I am a doula; do I love providing this service to birthing people? Yes. Fully. One hundred percent. I'm honored and humbled when I am chosen to be someone's doula.
But I also wish we could all have that kind of community, the kind thats been lost or taken from us; the kind that perhaps our mothers mothers had. Or even further down the line.
That wisdom has never left us. It's just been buried.